pms psychic
one of my best friends from high school has an amazing talent. poo is an incredibly gifted person. if she was a bit more enterprising she might have had her own realty tv show and would have been a bizillionaire by now. poo has been bestowed with a true talent from god. the gift of being a *pms* psychic.
now you maybe wondering, what exactly *is* a pms psychic? let me expound. imagine this your breasts start swelling, becoming extremely tender, you're bitchy, moody, bloated, feel like a water balloon, major cramping, you flip-off geriatric drivers, weep while watching commericals with puppies and all of a sudden you begin to have premonitions. perhaps even visions. there is clarity. you are completely connected to the universe. tapped into the collective unconscious. everything seems to make sense to you. you know what is going to happen hours, days, weeks and months before it actually happens. i suppose it's kind of like the *story of bernadette* but not, sans the visions of the virgin mary, messages from god and only occurs once a month while pms.
for instance hours before she receives a text message from a friend, she has a *knowing* that she will be receiving a text message from said friend. poo even knows what the context of the message is. wow! that's amazing i know. how cool is it to be able to psychically hack into the sms without any hardware. all you need to use is your greymatter while pms. you thought wireless energy transfer and nikola tesla defined *coolness*. no way!
another time while poo was pms, she had a feeling that something was going to happen to her mother's tree in the backyard. a very old tree that's been around eversince the house was built. she had no idea *when* it would happen but had this ominous feeling brewing that something bad was going to happen to tree. sure enough, there was a terrible storm and the tree fell barely missing the house. yes, i know it's so *twilight zone* and a bit creepy but it's a true story.
poo even had pms psychic premonitions about my life and everyone else's life for that matter. she told me that 2006 was going to be a year of *great* changes and surprises. i know that sounds soo vague and cheesy like what a 900 number psychic would tell you but i asked her to elaborate. for the most part these changes were all going to be *positive* in the end. life changing sort of changes whether they may be the end of a relationship, marriage, new careers, major moves, death, rebirth, a re-awakening or a new beginning.
at first, i had *real* doubts. i was the super skeptic. until *it* happened. my life and world were turned completely upside down. it was the like everything that could happen in my life happened all at once. i've been on an emotional rollercoaster and i'm looking forward to getting off. my life has been a whirlwind. i'm in the process of purging -- a certain person and lots of things. now, i'm planning on moving out-of-state, buying a house, starting a *new* life, making *new* friends and possibly starting a *new* career. all at once. my life is a bit *insane* right now. no it's *a lot* insane.
now i'm a *believer*. i believe there is such a thing as a pms psychic. when poo starts telling me that she is crabby, teary, eating pints of haagen dazs, family-size bags of potato chips, yelling at peeps in the check-out line and her breasts are swollen like huge honeydew melons. i listen.
have you undergone any major changes in your life this year? you're relationships? you're career?
are you a *believer*? i know i am.
now you maybe wondering, what exactly *is* a pms psychic? let me expound. imagine this your breasts start swelling, becoming extremely tender, you're bitchy, moody, bloated, feel like a water balloon, major cramping, you flip-off geriatric drivers, weep while watching commericals with puppies and all of a sudden you begin to have premonitions. perhaps even visions. there is clarity. you are completely connected to the universe. tapped into the collective unconscious. everything seems to make sense to you. you know what is going to happen hours, days, weeks and months before it actually happens. i suppose it's kind of like the *story of bernadette* but not, sans the visions of the virgin mary, messages from god and only occurs once a month while pms.
for instance hours before she receives a text message from a friend, she has a *knowing* that she will be receiving a text message from said friend. poo even knows what the context of the message is. wow! that's amazing i know. how cool is it to be able to psychically hack into the sms without any hardware. all you need to use is your greymatter while pms. you thought wireless energy transfer and nikola tesla defined *coolness*. no way!
another time while poo was pms, she had a feeling that something was going to happen to her mother's tree in the backyard. a very old tree that's been around eversince the house was built. she had no idea *when* it would happen but had this ominous feeling brewing that something bad was going to happen to tree. sure enough, there was a terrible storm and the tree fell barely missing the house. yes, i know it's so *twilight zone* and a bit creepy but it's a true story.
poo even had pms psychic premonitions about my life and everyone else's life for that matter. she told me that 2006 was going to be a year of *great* changes and surprises. i know that sounds soo vague and cheesy like what a 900 number psychic would tell you but i asked her to elaborate. for the most part these changes were all going to be *positive* in the end. life changing sort of changes whether they may be the end of a relationship, marriage, new careers, major moves, death, rebirth, a re-awakening or a new beginning.
at first, i had *real* doubts. i was the super skeptic. until *it* happened. my life and world were turned completely upside down. it was the like everything that could happen in my life happened all at once. i've been on an emotional rollercoaster and i'm looking forward to getting off. my life has been a whirlwind. i'm in the process of purging -- a certain person and lots of things. now, i'm planning on moving out-of-state, buying a house, starting a *new* life, making *new* friends and possibly starting a *new* career. all at once. my life is a bit *insane* right now. no it's *a lot* insane.
now i'm a *believer*. i believe there is such a thing as a pms psychic. when poo starts telling me that she is crabby, teary, eating pints of haagen dazs, family-size bags of potato chips, yelling at peeps in the check-out line and her breasts are swollen like huge honeydew melons. i listen.
have you undergone any major changes in your life this year? you're relationships? you're career?
are you a *believer*? i know i am.
posted by ishkabubba at 10:23 AM
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